Thursday, 31 January 2013

The Bad

This week has sucked, and it's only half over. 
Here comes the vent session.
Read on if you don't mind a bit of wining, don't if you do!

1. I have two co-workers who hate each other and the situation has escalated.  They are being petty and immature and affecting the rest of us and they seriously need to GROW UP!!!!   I, on the other-hand, don't mind either of them.

2. I gained a pound this week.  I'm hoping it's just water or my time of the month but considering what I've been eating the chances are that it's plain old fat.

3. I'm feeling really down on myself.  Sort of.  Actually I'm struggling with the idea of "serving".  We are called as Christians to serve and help others and my heart just isn't feeling it. 
There are certain people in my life who take it upon themselves to try and fix the world.  Well, okay, maybe not that extreme but they feel it their duty to help everyone they perceive to be in need.  If they feel the responsibility then we all 'need' to join in.  Quite simply put: I don't have a servant heart for the sorts of situations they are taking upon themselves to solve.  I'm not talking about people starving or homeless or experiencing devastation of some sort.  Much simpler, first world problems that if I get into I'm just going to sound like an insensitive b@*#$.   I was raised with a "suck it up and get over it/on with it" attitude and I've been forced (in a sense) to live like that.  When Trevor was going through his RA initially I was essentially single parenting with a depressed husband and no one bought me meals, or cleaned my house, or watched my kids so I could get errands done or have a break.  Nope.  I did it all with my kids.  So I have trouble seeing why mom's can't go to a doctor or buy groceries with their kids.
  It's not like I don't have compassion or feel for the mom with three month old twins and a two-and-a-half year old and is sleep deprived....I do.   I dunno what exactly I'm saying or feeling.  I'm going to end up talking in circles.  The point is:  I struggling with the notion of "serving" and how it looks for me.

4.  Sierra has complained about riding the bus.  Again. No good reason.

5.  NHL hockey has started again.  Our life revolves around it, again.

6.  It is very cold and miserable out.

7. Sawyer has another cold and his coughing ensured a 6:30 A.M. wake up today.  (I'm not too happy when I'm forced from my slumber before 7.)

8. I don't think I've had a comment on this blog since, oh, October?  I know you're out there!

9. On the up-side:  we booked a five day getaway to the Okanagan Valley with some great friends for June.  There will be lots of wine.  And no kids!

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Fingers and Toes


In honour of a friends birthday and her upcoming trip to Mexico, we took some of our Saturday and pampered ourselves.

First we had pedicures at a seedy, hole-in-the wall "salon" here in my small town.  Our feet were propped up on old stacking stools, a little dollar store fan was used to help dry the polish, and both "estheticians"  were a little rough around the edges.  But they did a decent job and were pleasant.

Sparkly!

We then wandered around a cool antique store followed by an hour and a half lunch at a little coffee shop/cafe in the near-by city.  

Lastly, we got manicures at a "real" salon.  It was a completely opposite experience from our pedicures.  (the estheticians had make up on and weren't in sweats!) 


Dark red and sparkly!

It was all really nice and relaxing and great to connect with a friend.  The best part?  The cost was minimal because we had coupons!


Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Going Down!

In three weeks I am down 3.5 pounds.  
 
At first I looked at that number I thought, "Pffft, what's 3.5 pounds?"  
And especially: "What's with the .5?"
Then I open the fridge and observe the size of a one pound brick of butter and see that 3.5 pounds is more than it may sound and I feel better.

Overall I do feel better.  I'm back at my slightly-heavier-than-I-wanted-to-be-but-holding-steady pre-Christmas weight.  My clothes fit and that is so crucial to feeling good.
 
I believe that now is where it gets harder and where I have to be conscientious about everything I do and eat.  For the first two weeks I was extremely good in all areas and lost the first three pounds.   Last week my workout schedule was a little on the easier side (the recovery week of the Insanity program) and I ate an entire 200g bag of Lays BBQ chips by myself (over three days) as well as a chocolate here and a chocolate there.....nearly every day, so I only lost 0.5 pounds.  At least the number still went down!

I will still allow myself and indulgence here and there but seriously, a whole bag of chips?  I can't do that again!

My workouts are now kicked up a major notch and my eating will go back into being mostly controlled.  I say mostly because hey, one has to still live a real life - right?

I'm not sure if I said but my overall goal is a total of 11.4 pounds this time around.  Five more than last year.  I want to see if I can do it.  Reasonably, without starving or working out to death.  The possibility of having more kids will officially be dealt with in February so I might as well get my body back to its best.  (as any mom knows, it is next to impossible to get it totally back)

The biggest learning curve?  Learning that I don't have to 'feel' completely full every time I eat; it's okay to feel a little but hungry.  I keep track of my calorie intake to I ensure that I don't go extreme in either direction.  I often feel hunger but I have a bad habit of giving in to every little 'pang' which leads to excess eating.  I snack but try to do so on healthy, lower calorie options.  I know that not all calories are equal either.  The 1000+ calories the chips provided me with were pretty much nutritionally useless. (they sure tasted good though! :)  So I use the calorie counting strategy with some of my own built-in leeway.

This is hard.  I think about it every day.  I remember feeling the same last year when I did this.  It is so much easier to not have eating and exercise forefront in my mind.  But when I did let myself relax for a few months I reverted back to where I worked so hard to not be.

Sigh.

Onward (and downward)  I go!

Friday, 18 January 2013

Some People Are Total Idiots

I'm stopped at a traffic light today because, well, obviously the light was red.  I was approximately three feet behind the vehicle in front of me since I can't stand it when people stop practically on top of my bumper.  Also, according to my driver's ed instructor from years past you're supposed to be able to see the rear tires of the vehicle in front of you when stopped at a light.

Anyway, I'm waiting and staring absently out my window and I notice a red car drive into the lane beside me, going the opposite direction, and stop almost beside me.   The car doesn't move.  I check to see if he's signalling to turn into somewhere right of me but no, there's nowhere he can turn to.  Another vehicle stops behind him and I'm wondering what's going on.  All of a sudden the driver of the red car yells our his open window at me, 
"Why don't you move your car forward!!!   You BITCH!"
I was wearing sunglasses so he couldn't see my completely bewildered expression as I took my foot off the break and eased forward.  I almost displayed a certain finger in his direction but I didn't want to rise to his idiocy.  As I was inching forward I glanced in my rear view mirror and noticed that some other idiot had pulled in behind me from crossing the street perpendicular and was blocking the other lane.  Perhaps Red Car Man should have vented his frustration towards them since I was doing nothing wrong.  Since when is one supposed to be concerned what is going on behind them when stopped at a traffic light?? (unless of course there's an emergency vehicle)  Besides, I was facing west and because of the time of day the sun was glaring behind me and it was hard to see.

I hope Red Car Man got in an accident on his way where ever he was going!!!!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Time

I so enjoyed the non-schedule of the Christmas break.  Pretty much all regularly scheduled activities were suspended which meant that we were home!   Now that everything has or is starting back up I find a knot forming in my throat and the anxiety of being so busy creeping up my neck.

I've wondered why that is.  I enjoy being busy; activities and socializing are fun most of the time for us.  And when I really look at our life, it's not that crazy busy.   Lately, though, it feels like we are dragging ourselves around to that one more thing!   I've come up with a couple of theories:

1.  I'm working more and also have increased responsibilities at work.
2.  We are getting old and can't handle it anymore!

3.  Sierra entered school and the world of having a child at school is so unlike anything we've lived thus far.  And it's only two days a week!  (We are so in trouble next year!)

4. It came to realization that Sierra is in my/our presence Every. Single. Waking. Minute.  that she is at home.  She is simple unable to do ANYTHING by herself.  Seriously.  She practically hands me toilet paper when I used the bathroom!  Sierra is constantly needing our attention as she does something remarkable (like running funny) or to play with her or help her dress or sit with her while she watches TV or......the list goes on.  She NEVER leaves us alone.  I've told myself over and over that the time won't be long before she'll treat us like aliens with three heads and not want to be seen near us  so enjoy it while I've got it, but some days......  
It means that we rarely get down time as long as Sierra is home and awake which makes each day feel really full and busy even if we stay home.  I struggle so much with this reality because as I said, I know it won't be long before she'll not want me.   I'm lucky that I have such an awesome kid and I wouldn't trade her and her personality for anything but sometimes it's simply a bit much.  
Are other kids like this?  I feel like we're alone in and our closer friends look at me like I'm nuts when I describe feeling so busy.   They're kids are younger and not in school yet so maybe it's more a stage that than personality????  It's hard when they don't get it and I have to say no to things.
There may be some re-prioritizing going on around here because we so enjoyed the pace of the recent "break" and our kids are number one in our life. 
This for our sanity and theirs!









Sunday, 13 January 2013

And Life Goes On

I dreamed of warm holiday this winter.  A place with a beach, a pool, heat and sun.  A place for our little family to just be together and connect as a foursome and recharge.  A place to get away from the snow and cold and wind and craziness of here that is our life.

Alas, the finances say no.  I took on an extra day of work per week to try and accomplish this venture, but that promise of more hours was suddenly changed to 'as the business needed'.  We also bought a different, newer car.  We paid off Trevor's student loan. (Yay!!)  Christmas happened.  A holiday turns out to be more expensive that I anticipated.

Yes, I am a bit bummed.  I can do without "things" but my heart really desires traveling - and a break!  I so enjoy the stages my kids are at and I want to spend meaningful time with them with few other distractions.  Fortunately kids aren't too picky so we will try and plan a weekend away somewhere else, not nearly so warm, for that connect time.   Maybe West Edmonton Mall.   It's not the same but it's still something.  
I'll dream again next year!


Monday, 7 January 2013

The Christmas Post

Christmas was very good this year.
We had snow, glorious snow coupled with cold, frigid cold.  Like highs of -20 degrees Celsius cold.
It was perfect!
Yeah, I'm weird that way.

I worked on the 24th, until 12:30.  We (Trevor, me and the kids) went to church at 2:30 followed by my Oma's place.  
Gifts were immediately dug into and ripped open with the excitement only kids can bring.  Then we feasted on Chinese food and took our kids home to bed while the other went to a different church service.  Just after 8P.M. my family joined us at our house for more wine and games.

Christmas morning, although it still began at 7A.M. (I was as bad as Sierra and couldn't go back to sleep once I woke up!) was quite relaxed.  All the gifts were a success, my baked French toast was enjoyed by Trevor and myself as the kids were too into their new treasures!   We made our way to my parents around 11A.M. for another rounds of presents, turkey dinner and then naps.  

My mom, sister, and I braved the crowds of Boxing Day to do some shopping and scored a few good deals.   Otherwise we stayed home and assembled new toys and tidied up. 

The kids got sleep, were well behaved and spoiled royally!  The adults were also in fantastic moods and we all had fun.

The craziness that often accompanies Christmas actually began the 27th with a dinner party I hosted, guests from out of town and New Years.  It finally ended yesterday and now we're laying low and trying to prevent Sawyer's cold from developing into anything too serious.

It's hard to believe another Christmas has passed so quickly but I find myself excited to be in 2013.

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Continuing the Insanity

I got on the scale yesterday.
Christmas was not nice to me.
I vowed to quit eating.  That lasted thirty seconds.

I am a little depressed by the number that flashed up on the scale.  I got back into exercising a little too late and at the wrong time of year it seems.  Oh and stuffing every Christmas yumy, and lots of them, down my gullet didn't help either.  I'm pretty much back up to where I was last year and hating my body and my clothes.   At least I know I can lose it.

I re-evaluated my caloric intake and I am going to try and keep it on the low side and not use exercise as a means of eating more.  If my energy wanes than I'll adjust but for now I'm going to go with this plan.  I'm also trying my darnedest to make the calories I consume good ones with minimal indulgences.  I've managed to remain diligent with exercise and unless I break a bone I should be able to stick with the insanity regime.  

My mom, sister, and I are on our own little 8 week weight loss plan complete with weekly weigh-ins and keeping each other accountable.  Trevor is also joining me this time.  It sure helps to be suffering journeying with someone.

Here's to six pounds eliminated in 8 weeks!!!

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

'13

It's funny how a new year, even though technically it's just another day, brings about a need to start fresh.  New hope, new optimism, new dreams, new goals.
Some of us also reflect on the past 365 days or so, while others prefer to forget them and wished they never had happened.

As for myself, as I stare out the window at the clean white snow sparkled up by the sun, I find my thoughts turning contemplative.  2012 was good.  It kicked butt on 2011.  I am excited for 2013.

Since Trevor's diagnosis of RA almost two years ago we have viewed life with new eyes.  While the disease is by no means terminal, un-medicated it is horribly debilitating.  Thankfully the drugs Trevor is on are doing their job and he is able to live mostly pain free.  He function dialy with normal levels of energy and mobility.  But when one faces the unknown, like we did pre-diagnosis, all of a sudden what really matters in life becomes a lot more obvious.  Our attitude is generally more 'in the now'.  We try to enjoy what we can with each day.  If we can do something now than we do our best to accomplish that.  "Waiting until the time is right/better" is less a part of our main thoughts.  If we can accomplish it now than let's do it!  (within reason of course)

What does this look like?
 - eat healthy and exercise but life is not worth major deprivation.  Food is too delicious to not eat!
- pick the friends that are worth my time and concentrate on them.  Time is too limited to waste on people that don't make me feel good.
- go on holidays and short trips as a family.  My fondest memories as a child - and what I believe helped form and solidify the relationship I now have with my parents - are of all the fun trips and activities we did together.  No one ever wishes they spent less time with their kids.


That's about it.  It's more of an overall attitude that specific goals or resolutions:
Live with joy in the moment as much as possible without ignoring the future.