Wednesday, 2 October 2013

The Ugly C

We knew it would happen; it was inevitable.  But we all thought we had longer before the big C reared its ugly head again.

My Oma's cancer is back already, this time in a rare form of skin cancer.  It is possibly elsewhere too but we don't know.  She isn't in any pain but is often very tired which will only increase.  We have no idea how long she has.  Months likely.  This is and will not be easy but I think I feel better prepared to deal with it than I did last winter/spring.  
I think that and then I have periods of deep sorrow and pain and it's all I can to do to keep the tears at bay.  I see that the sparkle and enthusiasm Omas has always had is noticeably absent.  She walks so slow.  I realize that Sawyer will likely have little or no memory of her.  My cousins are suddenly making it a priority to come visit. 
Then I cry out to God and pray desperately for peace and comfort; I don't like this pain.  It's hard to explain, after all she is 91 and lived a long life.  But she is so much a part of my life...
I realized today that God has answered my prayer.  I haven't thought about her with the same grief since Sunday, and in speaking with my mom learned that Oma's energy and pep are up.  I know there will be many sad/hard days to come but for now I'm okay.  A huge source of comfort is that she is a believer in Jesus as her Saviour and when it is her time He will call her to heaven.  Heaven is a perfect place and when my time on Earth is done I, too, will go there.

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