Sunday, 15 December 2013


The blog world that I read has slowly declined in the last year or two.  It seems like the only ones left that have regular posts are the mega blogs with a bazillion viewers.   Reading other blogs and getting comments on my own often inspired me to post.   I'm pretty  sure there are only three of you who read my drivel by now but since I write mostly for me than what does it matter?  Here I go with a buch of random thoughts:

In two weeks Christmas will be over and I could, quite possibly, be elbowing my way through crowds for Boxing Day shopping.  Crazy to think that.  Although it is gradual and actually a bit stressful (a weird way to describe it but 'tis true), I am managing to get into a Christmas spirit.  Our decorations are up, the kids are super excited, we've been a part of our big church Christmas production, I'm a part of another concert next week as well as the two classical Christmas Eve services our church will have.  So if nothing else I will sing my way into a Christmasy mood.  Trevor and I had a chance to shop together one evening this week and it was nice to just be together and buy stuff to spoil our kids and family.  

I got on the scale today and am FINALLY down 1.6 pounds.  Consistent, hard-core workouts and watching my caloric in-take are the reasons.  Oh, and probably the lower stress level since Omas funeral.  I am meeting with a nutrition nurse once a week for accountability (she weighs me and we discuss what I've eaten) and my trainer once every three weeks.  The goal is to drop another 7 pounds and I've been told these will be super hard to do without a crash diet which I have zero interest in.  No surprise there!  The goal number was arrived at together with my doctor and trainer to break the 'average' status and achieve the 'fit' status.  I can do it! 
I'm short.  Every pound matters.  I'm getting closer to 40 than I'd like to admit and I notice that weight is much easier to gain and much harder loose with each year added to my age.  Yes, Christmas is a rather dumb time of year to be doing this but then again there is never really a time without some sort of excuse.  I figured this will help me not go too crazy with the holiday treats and even if I only maintain my weight it will be a victory.

I was sitting on the couch with Sawyer this morning feeling a bit lonely.  Coffee dates with friends have been scarce lately and I was facing a day at home, with nothing planned but laundry.   Yesterday we made the gingerbread cookies he's been requesting for a month.  Rembering the fun we had baking, I looked at my little boy and I thought, "I am going to just enjoy normalcy with him while I can."  Sawyer is growing quickly and before long will be in school full time too.  When he gets excited about just staying home with me how can I feel down?  
I have some special times with Sierra this weekend too.  We are going Christmas dress shopping tomorrow with my mom.  Saturday I am taking her to her gymnastics lesson, on a lunch date, then to The Nutcracker with my mom. 

Sunday afternoon:
I find that all the busyness of the last few days has made me grumpy rather than add to the spirit. It is tiring!  The kids are relentless in their needs and I find myself feeling irritable. So much for Christmas spirit!  I suddenly found myself with an extremely full weekend and week to follow.  I need to step back, breathe, and enjoy. After all, it is all fun stuff and it is Christmas!

I have to tell my current childcare that we will no longer be using their services after Christmas. Some friends,who are also neighbours, offered to watch our kids, and we gladly accepted because:
1. They have other kids and will play with and entertain Sawyer.  Now, he is with one five year old girl one day and alone (plus the adult) the other day each week. Lots of TV and not too much playing and he does not like going; he's bored there. 
2. They live around the corner rather than across town. 
3. They will use the money to help with their adoption from Haiti. 
4. They're friends. 
I'm a bit nervous but I have to think of my dear son and what's best for him! Many have backed out on me for care so I can't feel too bad. 

Whew! Long post. I think I'm done rambling for. now.  Time to go celebrate Trevor's birthday (which was actually on Wednesday) with my parents! 

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

The Last Few Weeks.....

In the quiet, moonlit hours of November 15 my dear Oma was taken to be with her Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, in her eternal heavenly home.  I get a lump in my throat just typing it.
After Thanksgiving her decline was steady and quick; we noticed differences almost daily.  Just under a week before her death she was moved into the palliative care facility near by.  I had some very tender and special moments with her that still bring tears to my eyes as I recall them.  The Monday before Oma passed away, I spent a couple of hours with my mom in Oma's room while Oma slept.  It was very peaceful and holy.  Holy in that we were in the presence of someone God was preparing to take home.  Near the end of my time there Oma awoke and I was able to hold her hand and tell her a little about what was going on with me.   She still had a smile and a hand squeeze for me (she had lost her voice).  When it was time for me to go I laid my head on her chest, since hugs were no longer possible, and held her hands.  She tenderly stroked them and said she loved me.  Expressing her love verbally was not common for her.  That was when I said good-bye.

I came two more times after that.  Once with just Sawyer who still produced a smile from Oma despite her weakened state and brought a light to her eyes.  The other, less than twelve hours before her death, with Sierra who wanted to see her one more time.  Oma had been sleeping all day but when she heard Sierra her eyes opened and she blinked several times to acknowledge that she was aware of who was there.  That was the last time she opened her eyes. 
That night I couldn't sleep.  I cried.  I tossed and turned.  Finally, shortly around 1 A.M.  I got up and wandered into our kitchen.  The moon was shining brightly, not quite full.  It beamed right through one particular window and created a little patch on the floor.  I knelt down to look up at the moon and as I gazed at it I whispered, "I love you Oma."
The next morning when my mom phoned and told Oma did not make it through the night, I discovered that Oma went peacefully between 1:10 and 1:30 A.M.  
It was a whirlwind of emotions and extremely busy for the next five days.  We had four adults and a baby staying in our house, hosted the making of over 250 verenkiki (perogies filled with cottage cheese) and then served them to 18 people.  Vereniki are a traditional Mennonite dish that my Oma excelled at making.  There was the viewing, burial (in -15 degree Celsius!), memorial service and lunch.  Plus all the family time.  It was all very bittersweet.

That weekend  came down with tonsillitis (I know!) which I haven't had since I eighteen!  So I allowed myself to be a useless lump on the couch while the penicillin did it's thing.

Another two weeks have passed.   Trevor and I were a part of our church Christmas production which included a dress rehearsal and seven shows.  Phew!  Immediately following the last show Old Man Winter arrived with a vengeance and we survived a raging forty-eight hour blizzard that left us in a deep freeze and with beautiful snowy views.

Christmas is a mere three weeks away.  I am no where near ready.  It's been a bit hard switching focus after something so intense for so long.   Naturally, there is still sadness.  Nearly every year for the past 35 were spent with Oma at her place.  It will be strange not to do so. 
I miss her already.

But we are okay.  Gradually life is resuming some level of normal.   I am back into exercising regularly again, eating better, and sleeping.
  Trevor and I have plans to decorate and Christmas shop this weekend.
We bought an "Elf on the Shelf"and are all having a fun time with her.