Friday, 20 June 2014



When we built our house over five years ago, what was supposed to be the most fun ended up being the biggest chore: paint colours and decorating.  We ended up in a mad rush to get into the house which took away the time and deliberation needed for decor.  I was never unhappy with our colour choices but some of the finishing touches either never happened or weren't too my ultimate liking.

Our master bedroom was one room that was never quite finished.  I'd get started on it and...a year would pass.  I'd change things, or try to, and another year would pass.  Finally this winter I started and finished!  It began with the headboard, then the barn-board picture holders and then kept going.  I love it!  The pictures begin to the left of coming in the door and go clockwise. 

My Pintrist inspired picture display frames of sorts.
I resurrected an old print of the mouttains of  Canmore that we'd had framed, years ago, in barn board.  It fits in perfectly!


This quilted beadspread was my Oma's. It was handmade by a friend of hers and adorned her bed for years. The stitching is a soft orange which helps tie in the oak furniture and my reason for orange accents. 

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Being "Naughty" and Other Things!

All my good blogging intentions failed me again.  Why oh why does time have to go so dang fast?

Sierra turned seven - SEVEN! - on the 9th.  Talking about time racing by....
Every year and every stage just gets more fun with her.  She is such an all or nothing kinda gal and man does she love to party!  Just like her Mom.  And her Opa (who she never got to meet!)  

Between Sierra's birthday parties,(Yes, parties) working two Saturdays in a row, helping plan my work's grand opening event, the yearly battle of the weeds commencing along with the all the other yard work that's included in an enormous yard and Sierra's soccer and my childcare for Sawyer going away for three weeks (the nerve, I know!) and life I feel like I'm barely getting enough air.  I can't remember the last time I cooked a really nice meal that required more than four ingredients and twenty minutes.  Not that there's anything wrong with that but it never lends well for leftovers for lunches and the past two days I ate cottage cheese and watermelon for lunch.  

Speaking of cottage cheese, awhile back I went on a high protein 'diet' of sorts.  Yeah, that didn't last.  Not realistic or feasible for me to keep up.  I have increased my overall protein intake but 35%?  Nope.  
I've actually been feeling like my enthusiasm and motivation for being healthy and exercise is waning.   The scale hasn't moved in months and I'm not as excited anymore.  I dutifully continue to work out and mostly eat well but the zip is gone.  I certainly haven't gained weight which is good but things feel....stale and stuck.
This week I've been getting up at six and doing my workouts first thing which I actually love.  Aside from the droopy eye feeling the rest of the day it's great knowing that it's over with.   Sawyer had me watch Toy Story 2 for the billionth time with him this afternoon and I actually dozed off a bit.  I'll get used it, I know.  It would probably help if I went to bed earlier but that would take away from my Trevor time.

" Naughty Nautical" by Essie.  What a great, fun colour.  It is a shimmery (yes the glitter shows up!!)  greenish-teal of sorts that goes on nice and stays nice.    I love it and highly recommend it.  I paired it with Turks and Caicos (Essie) and a pale lemon polish from Mary Kay.

 (All the colours are more vibrant and a bit lighter in real life but I'm a crappy photographer.)
A friend recently asked if Essie is worth the cost.  I'm not 100% sure to be honest.  I'd like to say yes but I actually have no comparisons.  I picked it, liked and stuck with it.  The key to my loyalty could be the base coast and top coat.  Their Good-to-go top coat is awesome!  It dries in five minutes and within a half hour I'm okay to continue life without having to worry about smearing nail polish on everything I touch.  Yes, I'm still careful but not extremely so.  I recently painted my nails Essie Mademoiselle, a sheer pink, without base coat but with top coat.  It peeled in two days a way I've not had in a long time.  I used that colour when we went to Mexico (with multiple top coats) and it nearly lasted the week so it's not the colour.  I deducted that the base coast is key along with the top coat .  I plan on trying Essie base and top coat with a different brand polish (gasp, I know) just to try my theory.  
I'll keep you posted. 

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Jamaican Me Crazy!

Just over a year ago I discovered Essie brand nail polish and instantly fell in love.  What began with two colours has grown into a substantial collection.  My nails are rarely bare these days.
Why Essie?  It was all over Pintrist and so I just decided to try it one day.  The colour went on nice and their Go To Go top coat is the best ever.   Unless I do dishes or wash floors or do harsher-on-hands work it can last up to four days quite nicely.   However I often get bored after two or three days and change it up whether my nails need it or not.  To keep it simple I decided to stick with Essie, otherwise I'd just confuse myself with too many choices.

There are many nail polish obsessed based blogs ( is one) out there and I actually read them (nerdy, I know) before I consider buying a new colour.  At $8 a bottle Essie ain't cheap.  I'm not into analyzing the formula and comparing colours and all that, I'll leave that for the other blogs.  I'll likely just post a picture with a brief opinion and be done.

This colour here is called 'Jamaican Me Crazy'.  You can see a bright orange sale tag peaking out and that means I got this one for $5.  It's a great, rich, deep, pink that went on nice and easy.  It's a little too purple toned to match all my pink clothes which just means that I need to add to my collection!

Matchy Matchy

Two weeks ago I finally took some time for myself and went shopping with my mom.  With my recent weight loss and body changes many of my summer clothes no longer fit properly.  Not to mention the fact that most of my capri's and shorts were four to six years old.  I didn't go too crazy but managed to spruce up my summer attire.  I focused on pink and navy.  I even bought two pairs of new shoes and one of them is pink!

Naturalizer Bromstad Ursela Shoe
Yup.  These ones right here (by Naturalizer).   I love them.  But I love cute shoes.  I just can't afford too many because I also love good quality shoes.

Of course, as only I would, looking at my pink shoes, and new pink clothes, I say to my mom, "Now I have to get some pink glasses to match!"

I did just that!

(Glacee brand, by Alternative Eyewear, yes I got a deal, as always!)

I am also on the hunt for some really nice pink, Essie brand, nail polish. 

  I love to having matching outfits from my shoes, to my jewellery, to my glasses, to my nails. (more posts on my nail and glasses obsessions hopefully to follow)
It's fun and I feel good.

Sunday, 4 May 2014


(as written on a church bulletin)
I failed epically this morning.  
I felt completely unworthy to be a mom.  As hot, silent tears burned the corners of my eyes I kicked my bathroom cupboard several times during a very brief tantrum of frustrationI then took a deep breath and kept going.  What else could I do?

You see, Sierra and I battled.  Again.  I kept calm at first, attempted to work with her, but finally I lost it.


This is happening often lately.

Definitely not proud moments.

We made up; through our tears Sierra and I affirmed our love for each other. 
We managed to get ourselves into the vehicle, myself and the kids that is, and off to church.  Late by now, but we made it there anyway.  

As I sit here in church, unable to concentrate, I realize that is is not really Sierra that I am battling, it is Satan.  I don't believe Satan is battling through her but rather using her six-year-old antics to try and get to me.  He almost scored a small victory this morning because I was one outburst from the kids away from not attending church.  (Trevor was in the choir and had to go early)  Satan is constantly trying everything and anything to try and "get me".  Right now it is battling with my daughter. 

I pulled my thoughts out of myself and began to listen to the sermon.  Hmmmm.  How fitting, it is about keeping our eyes on Jesus.  Why? Jesus is the apostle, the high priest, my only unchanging anchor in an ever changing, fast paced world.  Jesus is my confidence and my hope and my reason for everything.  "Focus on Him!" says our pastor.  "Leave all you baggage in you vehicle or at home, you are in church now, focus on Jesus, and the rest will become insignificant."  

I left church refreshed.  
We drove home.  
Sierra and I battled.  Again.
I almost cried.  Again.
I am doing my best at focusing on Jesus.  Again.
Failing.  Again.
I am only human, saved by the grace of Christ.  I am just like the next person and struggle just like the next person.
I am struggling. 
I have had enough.
So much for "the rest becoming insignificant"!
But I can't give up.  I must stand my ground as a parent and attempt to teach my child life.  I must do it with grace and patience.  
I must do it with my focus on Christ.

I ended there and decided to head back upstairs before Sierra and Sawyer decided to argue or something.  I was a third of the way up the stairs when it hit me.

(Think Mr. Gru - "Liiiight bulb!")

Having always had a keen awareness of the spirit world, good and evil, I realized that I needed to renounce Satan's presence in my house.  I needed to reclaim the cleansing, powerful blood that I already own because of Jesus Christ crucifixion.  I needed to deny Satan any power he thinks he has.  I did just that.  I then I asked God to send his angels to protect our house and what followed was....


Friday, 2 May 2014

March to May?

Gosh! Where has the last month gone?  I blinked and April disappeared and here we are into May.  Wasn't it just March?  
The funny thing is, I don't know what we've been doing!  Nothing exceptional is happening in our lives that's for sure.  Just. Life.
Let's see.....

We almost bought a new vehicle and then decided not too because, you know, not quite enough money was in the ole bank account.  Yet.  We will revisit the purchase idea in fall.
Spring/summer has teased us for about four days this year so far.  Snow is expected on Saturday.  Yesterday was 23 and I got a tan.  Seriously!  This morning 8 degrees and raining. Enough of the single digit weather already!

As for my job, I was struggling with the return of two people after maternity leave.   We made through a year without them and had our groove going; they messed with it!  It just hit me that in the last couple of weeks I think if all feels normal and okay again.  The two returnees being there feel like they never left.  And I like them and they are good to work with again. My job is not threatened nor is the role I play within it.  It's good.  
Sierra is frustrating me to my max these days with two major things: the clothes she wears and when to take the bus to school.  I have always let her wear basically what she wants and often the ''matching'' component was/is lacking.  Finally, as it happens with kids, she wore holes in the knees of her two favourite pants.  I drew the line at shabbiness.  Well, you'd think I'd stolen her comes-everywhere bunny stuffy sidekick!  There has been no end to the battle of what she wears since then.  The dumb part is that she has three - THREE!!!- brand new pairs of perfectly good jeans in her drawer that she refuses to wear because they are "not comfy".  Umm, she had to put them on for more than a millisecond first. So I ordered some capri-length leggings from Old Navy and they came yesterday.  Sierra tried them on for me this morning and declared them all right and promptly cut all the tags off.  Then she put one pair back on and all of a sudden they were too loose when she bent over.  I nearly lost it!  I finally told her she had to wear them and after bantering back and forth I won.  She wore them to school this morning.  After many attempts to negotiate and make deals and come to an agreement regarding her clothes I may end up just putting my foot down and playing 'Mom'.   The same goes for her taking the the bus.  She simply doesn't like it and that will no longer be acceptable.
Parenting is hard.
And she's only six.  I can't wait for the teenage years.

As for me?  I continue to work out diligently and can tell that my body has changed.  The scale is stuck but I also know that muscle weighs more than fat and I like that my clothes fit better.  My belly is noticeably less flabby and my hips narrower.   My trainer, although admittedly not a dietitian, calculated a high protein diet of sorts for me a couple of weeks ago to try.  It contains 35% protein and I can't find the email or remember the split for carbs and fat.  But 35% protein!  For the first week and a half after I saw that in his email I tried a little and then thought, "impossible"No, it's actually not.  I'm through four days of succeeding in that.  I researched sources of high protein and managed to insert that into my diet.  It means minimal carbs, especially in bread or noodle or potato form, mostly in vegetables and fruit.  It's interesting.  It's difficult.  Yet after the first three days I feel pretty good.  I think I have more energy and while I don't know that I feel full I'm not hungry.  I'm pretty sure this will not be a long term diet, I want to aim for doing for four weeks and at that only five of the seven days in a week.   We'll see.  I'm not really pro-dieting or limiting myself too much, I've always said.  I still had my Thursday night pizza with wine last night and worked it into the 35% protein allotment for the day (I was a bit low by the end of the day, 33%.  Tonight Trevor and I are going on a date and I'll keep my protein as high as a can throughout the day and then enjoy the evening and not fret if I'm under 35. 

I feel like my brain has lots of words but I won't exhaust you all in one post. I hope May doesn't fly by like April did. 

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Six Months of Sweat

On Thursday last week as my trainer was doing his darnedest at making sure that walking would be difficult the next day I realized how far I've come.  
During the previous three weeks my workouts included running on the treadmill at 6.0 mph at 4.5% incline for 3 minutes stretches.  This week I ran for thirty minutes straight at 6.0mph and every fifth minute sprinted at 6.6mph.  Six months ago 6.0mph was my top out!  I know my trainer has increased the difficultly of my program gradually from session to session but I'm still impressed and what my body can now do.  Despite the added challenge, the sessions are almost easier, in a weird way.   
(don't let him know I used the word easy in conjunction with his workouts!)

I say easier because, to me, my body is stronger and noticeably more fit so it can actually do what it couldn't before. Lost weight and toned physique aside, I totally love how I feel. Exercise is addicting.  Physically and mentally. Back in January when I was convinced that my body could not break 130 unless I dieted hard core, I was okay with that.
. I'm totally psyched with my new scale weight - who wouldn't be? - but because I love how I feel I would - and do -exercise anyway. 

Also, as I keep at it, I realize how much freaking work this is!  Work seems like such a simple word for something so complex.
 I feel like I get why most people don't/can't exercise like I do.
 Time, motivation, self-control, and energy...the list goes on and all are legitimate.

Fortunately everything has aligned in my life to allow me to do this:
 -  My personality is such that I am very self motivated. I think this is the key factor for me. I've always been able to exercise at home.  After having babies I worked out during naps or (especially now) force(d) my kids to bear with me.   I try to save their TV time for my exercise time. Their personalities have been such that I could/can do that.  
- As for time in general - Trevor and I slowed down our schedules this past. fall which helps, but some nights I don't work out until 8:30PM.  I detest exercising that late but that motivation thing pushes me so that I do. Grumbling and swearing some nights mind you!  
- Motivation and a good dose of stubbornness enable me to get through low energy times, these often are the 8:30 workouts after a full day of work.
- I am lucky, too, that my body can be put through the paces.  I don't have a bad back or knees or anything physically preventing me from being active. 
  - Self control with food is the hardest for me. I love food and hate being hungry.  I have discovered some foods that are filling and not calorie laden.  Most mornings, I plan my whole day of eating at breakfast.  I allow for wine, birthday cake, and evenings of chips or appies with friends.  I also allow myself a full on, guilt-free cheat day/evening once a week if the occasion is there, which it usually is.

Our Mexico vacation was really good to let my mind and body relax.  I ate and drank what I wanted for the most part.  I managed two runs at the gym, not out of guilt but because I wanted to.
Unfortunately, it only took that measly week two gain back two pounds.  Crazy.  So quick and easy to partly undo what was long and difficult to achieve!  But it was good, in a way, to experience how quickly it can all go to heck.  Now my being lax was lax to the extreme and the circumstance 'fed' it but I will now be more mindful with future holidays.  

I'm happy to say I am pretty much back at my pre-Mexico condition.  I've signed on for another five sessions with my trainer and we'll see how things "go"!

Thursday, 27 March 2014


(So I started this a weeks ago and then life happened so the date references are a bit out. BTW it is still snowing!!)

As I walked Sierra to the bus this morning I braced myself against the biting wind and shuddered at the 10cm of snow in the forecast.  
First day of spring my a**! 

What a winter we've had!

Was only just over a week ago that I was wearing shorts and sandals and swimsuits?  That I was basking in warmth and relaxation and fun?


I know, I know, poor me.   It was a fantastic vacation and I long to back - which proves it  was good.  We had a great time as a family with hardly a care.  I had a horrid time getting back into reality after this vacation, which I've never experienced to this degree.  It took until yesterday for me to feel like cleaning up the disaster that our house had become!  I think that is because I so completely gave up all stresses and cares while we were away, which I haven't done since we pre-kids.  Any other trip there were responsibilities such as cooking and cleaning with camping, my mother-in-law, how much this or that is costing etc.  All inclusive was really all inclusive.  My biggest concerns were making sure the kids were appropriately sun-protected and in my sight.  

We are blessed that we could do this and are already dreaming of another such vacation, probably not next year but maybe in two?

Here are some highlight photos: 

The view from our fifth floor room of the Crown Paradise Resort.  I never tired of it!

Ready to hit the pools!

Sierra discovered Shirley Temples - can we say constant sugar high?

There was this great kids-only pirate-themed waterslide area.  I wanted to be under 12!


Add caption

Thursday, 27 February 2014

About The Kids

My sweet, cuddly little boy turned four this past Sunday.  I want to cling to his cuteness forever; I am so loving the stage he is at!
Sawyer has a mischievous twinkle in his eye that reveals his awesome sense of humour.  He is very affectionate and loving.
He definitely has an opinion and stubborn streak too.  But his cuteness melts my heart and resolve far too many times.

I have him registered in pre-school next fall for two mornings a week.  
The next stage is beginning far too soon.

Don't think about that!  Enjoy the now.

I/We are still struggling with Sierra and her dislike of leaving us.  I'd say there is a bit of improvement overall but it totally depends on the day.  I have put my foot down and simply told her she has to go on with everything.  I respond as minimally as possible to her whining and complaining and excuses.  If there are tears upon leaving she gets a hug and I pull myself away and go.  I'm told she's fine after minute.  That's what keeps me from bawling, and the fact that she comes home happy all the time.  Oh, and I get so annoyed with her antics by now that there is actually little heart break anymore at her 'distress'.  Am I heartless?  Perhaps a little a times but she has to learn and I have to survive.

I've come to the conclusion that at first this may have been a reaction to Oma's death.  Now it is a bad habit.  She's trained herself to react the way she does and while I don't believe she is consciously doing what she does I don't believe it is as genuine as it was.  

My reasons for this conclusion? Back a year and half ago or so Sierra started having bad dreams every so often and would wake me at night.  Legitimate and believable.  I was compassionate.  But they went on, and increased in frequency.  I was losing sleep and patience.  After one particular week of nearly nightly wakings I decided she couldn't possibly be having that many bad dreams.  She would wake up, go to the bathroom and then disturb me.  I believed that the thought of a bad dream became a habit upon waking up in a quiet dark house. So I coached her on some tools to cope and firmly told her she was not allowed to wake me, if she had a really bad dream she could wake Daddy. (the kids never go to dad at night)  The frequency of bad dreams quickly diminished and now she rarely has them.

So with resolve and a firmness I have to dig down for I have laid down the law.
We've had a couple of bumps the last three weeks though.  Sierra was sick one week with a cold, and last week there was no school.  It's been hard to get into a routine.  Next week we're away but then we'll have a month or more to really eliminate this issue before the next break!

In other news: 4 days untilMexico!!!!

Friday, 21 February 2014

Breaking 130!

It happened a week ago but I didn't quite believe it.
Then this week, there it was again.

When I got on the scale the number that flashed up was below 130lbs.
I haven't seen my weight read with a 12.. in over seven years.  To say that I am excited is an understatement.   I honestly wasn't sure it was realistically possible for me considering I had no interest in any kind of hard core diet or eating plan.  I just trudged on with my workouts and calorie counts for....five months I guess it is.  Despite much sickness and stress and Christmas thrown in there I have finally reached goal number 1.

My pants are all loose and I bought a bikini for our Mexico trip.
9 more days!

(I have so much more to say these days but oh to find time!  Sorry this is all for now but I had to at least share this.)

Saturday, 8 February 2014


Oh man it's been a week!  A week that attacked me after months of challenge, and Thursday afternoon found me on my knees on my bedroom floor desperately calling out to my God. 
I Was. Done. 
Poor Sierra is just not really improving and I don't know what to do.  It tears at my heart strings every time she has to go somewhere and she almost hyper ventilates while trying to hold back the tears. Sierra clings to me and I have to gently push to get away and leave. 

The song that inspired my post title was sang in church that morning and really hit home:

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God, whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

That was on Sunday. I couldn't even finish the post I was that mentally taxed.  Monday actually went well and then Tuesday was as awful as awful could be.  I was ready to completely give up.  I felt alone, unsupported and like a total failure.  My emotions shut down that day.

Fortunately things improved.  And not a day too soon because Trevor left for Toronto for five days beginning Thursday morning.  The improvement wasn't just to the manageable point, it has been dramatic.  Sierra actually gave a cheery "bye Mommy" Thursday morning and gamely walked onto the bus Friday morning!!!!
Sawyer had been well behaved too.

As for me, Wednesday officially marked a week where I felt well and good and human (minus all the emotional crap). I have energy! I'm back into my regular workouts and mostly disciplined healthy eating.  My weight is still at it's 'lowest normal' and although more progress would be nice, considering the past month that is a huge victory.  I also got my house nice and clean on Thursday and that always helps my mood.  With being sick and working so much my poor house got neglected.  Lastly, I've been able to get going on some re-decorating that I've been wanting to do for, oh, a year!

So yeah.  I feel like I've come out of the dark and am enjoying some sun now.  I just hope it stays because I don't think I could handle any more kicks.

23 days until Mexico!

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Attempting to Rebound....

.....and meeting resistance. 
  My cough is almost better but now I suffer a sore throat that I fear - dare I even say it - is strep for the third time. Without the numbing effects of Tylenol I dread each swallow but I couldn't get into my doctor until Monday and after the last two bouts I refuse to see just anyone.

I got back on the treadmill Saturday, rested Sunday, did a resistance workout Monday, rested Tuesday, ran Wednesday and just finished a harder resistance/cardio workout. Today I was fueled by Tylenol and caffeine and anger at still being sick.  I am determined but am I doing my body more of a disservice than anything?  Despite the lull in my exercise I've been a very good girl with my eating.  Often when I get ill or in an emotional funk I throw control to the wind and eat what I want and as much as I want. Not this time. 
 I got on the scale again this morning and there is no change from last week. I'm not in the least bit surprised the number isn't lower since my activity level has been decreased and I'm at the break point of where my body is comfortable.   

In other news of my stressful, woe-is-me life:
My dear daughter stresses me out every time she needs to go some where that involves leaving me; usually weekday mornings.  Sierra whines and complains and works herself up to a queasy tummy and I spend the time trying to appear calm and upbeat and reassuring. Inwardly it's twisting me up!  The tears have mostly ceased, except for Tuesday because she had to take the us home after school and was uptight about it in the morning already. 

Then there's our weather: one day cold the next balmy with regular twenty to thirty degree temperature fluctuations from one day to the next.  One's body can't adapt in the least bit so it's no wonder I can't seem to fight off these damn germs. 

Then there's doing my best to keep on with regular life like, you know, friends and church and laundry and cleaning. 

My in-laws have booked a trip here in less than a month. More stress. I won't even bother to start 

I'm exhausted and can't catch up. If it's not one thing it's another.   My parents are taking the kids for night this Friday so there will be a little reprieve.   

Thank goodness Mexico is in 39 days!  

Friday, 17 January 2014

Forty-five and Down

 Sick sucks. 
I'm feeling rather beaten down today.  With all that I've been through in the past six months
  I. Am. Done.
I feel like I've pushed and pushed and pushed on and suddenly today I simply can't anymore. I was finally on the upswing and then Sierra's anxiety started and I was attacked by a lousy cold that won't end and I've reached my limit.

Yes, I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself.  Yes I just want to sulk on the couch with junk food and sappy movies.  Yes it is very much a first world problem.
But yes this is how I feel right now.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Some Things Are Moving While Others Are Not (49)

The wind has been moving ferociously these past days.  That trampoline was tied to pegs but the wind was not to be thwarted!
  We're lucky it didn't sail over the fence like a couple of years ago.  The 100km+/hr winds also blew part of a roof off a church.  We're used to wind but this is crazy!

While the wind has been going at warp speed I have not.  I got smacked with a nasty cold and I finally gave in to it on Sunday.  Was it just a head cold I would have continued with my workouts, perhaps a bit modified but still kept at it.  But I couldn't get just a head cold, oh no, I had to get a chest cold complete with a persistent cough that kept me up three nights in a row.  The rule of thumb with a chest cold is give up and rest and wait it out or you'll just make yourself worse.   So, grumpily I have.   Strep twice and now a cold....

My dad - still being the caring parent! - provided me with some cold and cough meds and last night I finally slept most of the night.  Today my nose is a snot gushing faucet that I can't turn off but the coughing seems to be easing up.  Maybe by Friday?

I've staying true to my calorie count and trying to keep them healthy calories. 
Coughing must burn calories and count as a workout too - no?


Saturday, 11 January 2014


Thursday was trainer day. He totally kicked my butt and it felt great!
I finally got on the scale that day too and I'm at the lower end of my average, just under 132 lbs.  But, as I said, I'm choosing to not get hung up on scale weight too much.  It's still an indicator though. 

I've managed to get sick yet again, with a cold this time.  So by yesterday afternoon my energy and resolve and self- control went out the window. I snuck in a bite or handful of this and that and then when Trevor mentioned two-for-one DQ blizzards for after the kids were in bed that did it.  I enjoyed some chips without guilt and my blizzard and declared that my weekend cheat. Today, despite a crappy sleep I'm ready to get back at it!
  (Not sure about working out though thanks to this dang cold.)

Thursday, 9 January 2014


The two month anniversary of my Oma's death is approaching in less than a week.  Numerically it sounds like a fair amount of time and yet in actuality it is all still so fresh.  I find myself thinking of her often, her smile, her laugh, her delight at seeing us.  Memories are everywhere.

We made it through a few major firsts without her - Trevor's birthday, she always celebrated birthdays with us, Christmas (Christmas Eve was particularly hard), and New Years.  For the past ninish years she always made a type of fritter with raisins in them called portzelky for New Year's Day.  My mom flatly refused to make them, mostly because has never enjoyed making anything that requires deep frying and probably (although she never said so) because it was still too soon.  New Year's Day morning, in my groggy, sleep-deprived state I decided that the day could not go on without them and made portzelky myself.  They even turned out and were delicious!
I know we all suffered physically from the stress and busyness of Oma's illness and death and that has manifested itself this past month.  My mom and I both had strep, twice, she is possibly fighting it a third time.  My dad has a cold that comes and goes.  All of us (Trevor and the kids) have had colds as well in some form.  Oh, and we've been tired.

I think it is also affecting my sweet Sierra differently but she doesn't quite identify Oma's death as the problem.  Shortly before Christmas she started getting stomach aches and I was even called from her school a few times.  Then she would come home or go to my parents' and be fine.  We chalked it up to excitement of the holidays but now in her first week back she's complaining again.  Now the complaining starts in the morning and she has cried three out of the four times this week before she goes to school.  She also sobbed before going to Wee College (which she loves!) at church yesterday evening.  Yet when she's home she's herself.  It appears that the act of physically separating herself from us is really hard on Sierra. 

Another factor I suspect is contributing to this 'anxiety' is that in early December a family who lives three houses down from us got in a serious car accident and the mother died.  The family has three young kids, one of whom is a year older than Sierra and would ride the same bus as her to school.  The family has yet to return home.
Sierra has said and done a few things here and there that reveal the fact that Sierra is still very much thinking about and processing both events, particularly Oma's death.  Perhaps her subconscious is afraid we won't come back?  Or something like that?  I hate seeing my little girl so sad.  It's such a fine line between being compassionate and forcing her to go on.  I'm nearly 100% certain there is nothing else going on anywhere because everyone says she's fine when she's there and she comes home happy.  I decided this morning to take riding the bus out of the equation for a bit.  Sierra doesn't like the bus and it's not like we live super far from the school or anything, it's mostly just an inconvenience for me to have to drive her.  It's a bit tricky on the days that I work but even that can be arranged differently for now.  Beyond that, and loving her I don't know what else to do.  Sierra's teacher says that some kids go through these phases and it will pass. (She's been a teacher for a number of years)  Her teacher says she's fine during the day now and not to worry.

I'll try not to worry too much.  As a mom I hate to see her sad but have to teach that we have to go on with things, it's just how to do it effectively that I'm struggling with.

Wednesday, 8 January 2014


Day four had me wake up craving food. Any food.  I was tired and groggy and my body was sore from yesterday's workout. It's a good thing I had to get Sierra ready and off to school or I might have succumbed.  I've heard people say that after about three days of any change in eating, especially if more dramatic, one can experience a sort of hangover.  That would explain how I feel. Instead of eating everything in sight I gulped down coffee to jolt my senses and body to life and managed to remain in control. 

I made banana muffins today and "healthified" them.  This way they satisfy without piling on the calories. 

1/2 c butter
1/2 c unsweetened apple sauce
1c sugar
2 tsp baking soda dissolved in 2tbsp hot water
2c mashed bananas
1c whole wheat flour
2c all purpose flour

Bake at 375 for 15-25

Makes 24 medium sized muffins. 
140 calories each 
(unless you add chocolate chips!)

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

55 Days

Day three of watching what and how much I eat is coming to a close in a couple of hours. I'm focused and determined and in control. Remarkably, I'm not ravenous or feeling deprived. Yet. The upcoming cheat day is helping the deprivation issue. Then again, I still have four days to go! Weekends are always the hardest too. 

Along with eating well, I've exercised diligently and overall feel really good.  
Imagining myself in a bikini is huge motivation and hopefully will keep me going
For a few times before Christmas I met with a nurse who helps people with weight loss.  I was referred to her by my doctor.  Disappointingly, other than someone to be accountable to she had little advice to offer besides what I already know and the obvious.  I'm pretty sure she thought I was crazy for even coming to her because really, at most, I "need' to loose 13 pounds.   The 'need' part is based entirely on a number: my weight versus my height compared to a chart.  This chart is the same for men or women and is the BMI chart.  
It's a load of hogwash.  According to my trainer, I am in the top ten percent in terms of physical fitness. So if you compare me to someone my exact height and weight who has zero muscle tone and eats crappy they could potentially look fat while I believe I look anything but.  It's just a stupid number and I refuse to consider it.
Both the nurse and my trainer said consider measurements first (how my clothes fit), body-fat percentage second, and scale weight last.

Sunday, 5 January 2014

57 Days

2 Months
8 Weeks
57 Days


Our trip is all but booked and as I look at the beautiful, crisp, sparkly -20 degree white snowy day outside the warm, sparkling, +30 degree beach is mighty appealing! 
 As is me looking good on it.

What else to motivate me into blogging again except another weight loss goal?
I'm going to join the other millions of people who resolve to loose weight as a New Year's resolution.  My only defense in not being like everyone else is that I've been working my way up to this point since October when I hired a personal trainer.
Have I had any success?  Well, yes and no.  I managed to NOT gain weight during an extremely stressful time of my life and Christmas.  At one point I had lost a pound but I'm sure it's back again.  Considering I also battled strep twice in a month I'd say that is a huge victory.     
So.  Plan #1,220, 178,094 for the weight-loss part of my life is this:
1. Exercise 5-6 days a week as per my trainer.  Meet with him once every three weeks.
2. Do not use exercise as an excuse to eat poorly and expect to get away with it!
3. Keep my caloric intake between 1300-1400/day.
4.  Make those calories worth it - NO CRAP!
5.  BUT....allow myself a cheat day/part day once a week.
6.  Keep good snack options available so that I don't drift to the bad.
7. Weekly self-weigh in (gulp!).  
8.  Positive attitude - don't get too hung up on the numbers.
9.  Blog about it for my own personal accountability. 
10.  I don't actually have a tenth point but I couldn't stop this list at #9.
Here I go.  Again.  Sorry to drag you along with me.  Again.