Thursday, 23 January 2014

Attempting to Rebound....

.....and meeting resistance. 
  My cough is almost better but now I suffer a sore throat that I fear - dare I even say it - is strep for the third time. Without the numbing effects of Tylenol I dread each swallow but I couldn't get into my doctor until Monday and after the last two bouts I refuse to see just anyone.

I got back on the treadmill Saturday, rested Sunday, did a resistance workout Monday, rested Tuesday, ran Wednesday and just finished a harder resistance/cardio workout. Today I was fueled by Tylenol and caffeine and anger at still being sick.  I am determined but am I doing my body more of a disservice than anything?  Despite the lull in my exercise I've been a very good girl with my eating.  Often when I get ill or in an emotional funk I throw control to the wind and eat what I want and as much as I want. Not this time. 
 I got on the scale again this morning and there is no change from last week. I'm not in the least bit surprised the number isn't lower since my activity level has been decreased and I'm at the break point of where my body is comfortable.   

In other news of my stressful, woe-is-me life:
My dear daughter stresses me out every time she needs to go some where that involves leaving me; usually weekday mornings.  Sierra whines and complains and works herself up to a queasy tummy and I spend the time trying to appear calm and upbeat and reassuring. Inwardly it's twisting me up!  The tears have mostly ceased, except for Tuesday because she had to take the us home after school and was uptight about it in the morning already. 

Then there's our weather: one day cold the next balmy with regular twenty to thirty degree temperature fluctuations from one day to the next.  One's body can't adapt in the least bit so it's no wonder I can't seem to fight off these damn germs. 

Then there's doing my best to keep on with regular life like, you know, friends and church and laundry and cleaning. 

My in-laws have booked a trip here in less than a month. More stress. I won't even bother to start 

I'm exhausted and can't catch up. If it's not one thing it's another.   My parents are taking the kids for night this Friday so there will be a little reprieve.   

Thank goodness Mexico is in 39 days!  

Friday, 17 January 2014

Forty-five and Down

 Sick sucks. 
I'm feeling rather beaten down today.  With all that I've been through in the past six months
  I. Am. Done.
I feel like I've pushed and pushed and pushed on and suddenly today I simply can't anymore. I was finally on the upswing and then Sierra's anxiety started and I was attacked by a lousy cold that won't end and I've reached my limit.

Yes, I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself.  Yes I just want to sulk on the couch with junk food and sappy movies.  Yes it is very much a first world problem.
But yes this is how I feel right now.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Some Things Are Moving While Others Are Not (49)

The wind has been moving ferociously these past days.  That trampoline was tied to pegs but the wind was not to be thwarted!
  We're lucky it didn't sail over the fence like a couple of years ago.  The 100km+/hr winds also blew part of a roof off a church.  We're used to wind but this is crazy!

While the wind has been going at warp speed I have not.  I got smacked with a nasty cold and I finally gave in to it on Sunday.  Was it just a head cold I would have continued with my workouts, perhaps a bit modified but still kept at it.  But I couldn't get just a head cold, oh no, I had to get a chest cold complete with a persistent cough that kept me up three nights in a row.  The rule of thumb with a chest cold is give up and rest and wait it out or you'll just make yourself worse.   So, grumpily I have.   Strep twice and now a cold....

My dad - still being the caring parent! - provided me with some cold and cough meds and last night I finally slept most of the night.  Today my nose is a snot gushing faucet that I can't turn off but the coughing seems to be easing up.  Maybe by Friday?

I've staying true to my calorie count and trying to keep them healthy calories. 
Coughing must burn calories and count as a workout too - no?


Saturday, 11 January 2014


Thursday was trainer day. He totally kicked my butt and it felt great!
I finally got on the scale that day too and I'm at the lower end of my average, just under 132 lbs.  But, as I said, I'm choosing to not get hung up on scale weight too much.  It's still an indicator though. 

I've managed to get sick yet again, with a cold this time.  So by yesterday afternoon my energy and resolve and self- control went out the window. I snuck in a bite or handful of this and that and then when Trevor mentioned two-for-one DQ blizzards for after the kids were in bed that did it.  I enjoyed some chips without guilt and my blizzard and declared that my weekend cheat. Today, despite a crappy sleep I'm ready to get back at it!
  (Not sure about working out though thanks to this dang cold.)

Thursday, 9 January 2014


The two month anniversary of my Oma's death is approaching in less than a week.  Numerically it sounds like a fair amount of time and yet in actuality it is all still so fresh.  I find myself thinking of her often, her smile, her laugh, her delight at seeing us.  Memories are everywhere.

We made it through a few major firsts without her - Trevor's birthday, she always celebrated birthdays with us, Christmas (Christmas Eve was particularly hard), and New Years.  For the past ninish years she always made a type of fritter with raisins in them called portzelky for New Year's Day.  My mom flatly refused to make them, mostly because has never enjoyed making anything that requires deep frying and probably (although she never said so) because it was still too soon.  New Year's Day morning, in my groggy, sleep-deprived state I decided that the day could not go on without them and made portzelky myself.  They even turned out and were delicious!
I know we all suffered physically from the stress and busyness of Oma's illness and death and that has manifested itself this past month.  My mom and I both had strep, twice, she is possibly fighting it a third time.  My dad has a cold that comes and goes.  All of us (Trevor and the kids) have had colds as well in some form.  Oh, and we've been tired.

I think it is also affecting my sweet Sierra differently but she doesn't quite identify Oma's death as the problem.  Shortly before Christmas she started getting stomach aches and I was even called from her school a few times.  Then she would come home or go to my parents' and be fine.  We chalked it up to excitement of the holidays but now in her first week back she's complaining again.  Now the complaining starts in the morning and she has cried three out of the four times this week before she goes to school.  She also sobbed before going to Wee College (which she loves!) at church yesterday evening.  Yet when she's home she's herself.  It appears that the act of physically separating herself from us is really hard on Sierra. 

Another factor I suspect is contributing to this 'anxiety' is that in early December a family who lives three houses down from us got in a serious car accident and the mother died.  The family has three young kids, one of whom is a year older than Sierra and would ride the same bus as her to school.  The family has yet to return home.
Sierra has said and done a few things here and there that reveal the fact that Sierra is still very much thinking about and processing both events, particularly Oma's death.  Perhaps her subconscious is afraid we won't come back?  Or something like that?  I hate seeing my little girl so sad.  It's such a fine line between being compassionate and forcing her to go on.  I'm nearly 100% certain there is nothing else going on anywhere because everyone says she's fine when she's there and she comes home happy.  I decided this morning to take riding the bus out of the equation for a bit.  Sierra doesn't like the bus and it's not like we live super far from the school or anything, it's mostly just an inconvenience for me to have to drive her.  It's a bit tricky on the days that I work but even that can be arranged differently for now.  Beyond that, and loving her I don't know what else to do.  Sierra's teacher says that some kids go through these phases and it will pass. (She's been a teacher for a number of years)  Her teacher says she's fine during the day now and not to worry.

I'll try not to worry too much.  As a mom I hate to see her sad but have to teach that we have to go on with things, it's just how to do it effectively that I'm struggling with.

Wednesday, 8 January 2014


Day four had me wake up craving food. Any food.  I was tired and groggy and my body was sore from yesterday's workout. It's a good thing I had to get Sierra ready and off to school or I might have succumbed.  I've heard people say that after about three days of any change in eating, especially if more dramatic, one can experience a sort of hangover.  That would explain how I feel. Instead of eating everything in sight I gulped down coffee to jolt my senses and body to life and managed to remain in control. 

I made banana muffins today and "healthified" them.  This way they satisfy without piling on the calories. 

1/2 c butter
1/2 c unsweetened apple sauce
1c sugar
2 tsp baking soda dissolved in 2tbsp hot water
2c mashed bananas
1c whole wheat flour
2c all purpose flour

Bake at 375 for 15-25

Makes 24 medium sized muffins. 
140 calories each 
(unless you add chocolate chips!)

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

55 Days

Day three of watching what and how much I eat is coming to a close in a couple of hours. I'm focused and determined and in control. Remarkably, I'm not ravenous or feeling deprived. Yet. The upcoming cheat day is helping the deprivation issue. Then again, I still have four days to go! Weekends are always the hardest too. 

Along with eating well, I've exercised diligently and overall feel really good.  
Imagining myself in a bikini is huge motivation and hopefully will keep me going
For a few times before Christmas I met with a nurse who helps people with weight loss.  I was referred to her by my doctor.  Disappointingly, other than someone to be accountable to she had little advice to offer besides what I already know and the obvious.  I'm pretty sure she thought I was crazy for even coming to her because really, at most, I "need' to loose 13 pounds.   The 'need' part is based entirely on a number: my weight versus my height compared to a chart.  This chart is the same for men or women and is the BMI chart.  
It's a load of hogwash.  According to my trainer, I am in the top ten percent in terms of physical fitness. So if you compare me to someone my exact height and weight who has zero muscle tone and eats crappy they could potentially look fat while I believe I look anything but.  It's just a stupid number and I refuse to consider it.
Both the nurse and my trainer said consider measurements first (how my clothes fit), body-fat percentage second, and scale weight last.

Sunday, 5 January 2014

57 Days

2 Months
8 Weeks
57 Days


Our trip is all but booked and as I look at the beautiful, crisp, sparkly -20 degree white snowy day outside the warm, sparkling, +30 degree beach is mighty appealing! 
 As is me looking good on it.

What else to motivate me into blogging again except another weight loss goal?
I'm going to join the other millions of people who resolve to loose weight as a New Year's resolution.  My only defense in not being like everyone else is that I've been working my way up to this point since October when I hired a personal trainer.
Have I had any success?  Well, yes and no.  I managed to NOT gain weight during an extremely stressful time of my life and Christmas.  At one point I had lost a pound but I'm sure it's back again.  Considering I also battled strep twice in a month I'd say that is a huge victory.     
So.  Plan #1,220, 178,094 for the weight-loss part of my life is this:
1. Exercise 5-6 days a week as per my trainer.  Meet with him once every three weeks.
2. Do not use exercise as an excuse to eat poorly and expect to get away with it!
3. Keep my caloric intake between 1300-1400/day.
4.  Make those calories worth it - NO CRAP!
5.  BUT....allow myself a cheat day/part day once a week.
6.  Keep good snack options available so that I don't drift to the bad.
7. Weekly self-weigh in (gulp!).  
8.  Positive attitude - don't get too hung up on the numbers.
9.  Blog about it for my own personal accountability. 
10.  I don't actually have a tenth point but I couldn't stop this list at #9.
Here I go.  Again.  Sorry to drag you along with me.  Again.