Sunday, 4 May 2014

Focus

(as written on a church bulletin)
I failed epically this morning.  
I felt completely unworthy to be a mom.  As hot, silent tears burned the corners of my eyes I kicked my bathroom cupboard several times during a very brief tantrum of frustrationI then took a deep breath and kept going.  What else could I do?

You see, Sierra and I battled.  Again.  I kept calm at first, attempted to work with her, but finally I lost it.

Again.

This is happening often lately.

Definitely not proud moments.

We made up; through our tears Sierra and I affirmed our love for each other. 
We managed to get ourselves into the vehicle, myself and the kids that is, and off to church.  Late by now, but we made it there anyway.  

As I sit here in church, unable to concentrate, I realize that is is not really Sierra that I am battling, it is Satan.  I don't believe Satan is battling through her but rather using her six-year-old antics to try and get to me.  He almost scored a small victory this morning because I was one outburst from the kids away from not attending church.  (Trevor was in the choir and had to go early)  Satan is constantly trying everything and anything to try and "get me".  Right now it is battling with my daughter. 

I pulled my thoughts out of myself and began to listen to the sermon.  Hmmmm.  How fitting, it is about keeping our eyes on Jesus.  Why? Jesus is the apostle, the high priest, my only unchanging anchor in an ever changing, fast paced world.  Jesus is my confidence and my hope and my reason for everything.  "Focus on Him!" says our pastor.  "Leave all you baggage in you vehicle or at home, you are in church now, focus on Jesus, and the rest will become insignificant."  
Okay!

(later)
I left church refreshed.  
We drove home.  
Sierra and I battled.  Again.
I almost cried.  Again.
I am doing my best at focusing on Jesus.  Again.
Failing.  Again.
I am only human, saved by the grace of Christ.  I am just like the next person and struggle just like the next person.
I am struggling. 
I have had enough.
So much for "the rest becoming insignificant"!
But I can't give up.  I must stand my ground as a parent and attempt to teach my child life.  I must do it with grace and patience.  
I must do it with my focus on Christ.
How????

I ended there and decided to head back upstairs before Sierra and Sawyer decided to argue or something.  I was a third of the way up the stairs when it hit me.

(Think Mr. Gru - "Liiiight bulb!")

Having always had a keen awareness of the spirit world, good and evil, I realized that I needed to renounce Satan's presence in my house.  I needed to reclaim the cleansing, powerful blood that I already own because of Jesus Christ crucifixion.  I needed to deny Satan any power he thinks he has.  I did just that.  I then I asked God to send his angels to protect our house and what followed was....

...PEACE.  


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